A Girl in My Life

– We have to go and talk to you, don’t we? – I ask Suriel with a low voice.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

I feel guilty, since my birth it appears that I live only to give work to you and Suriel… I am the first angel to have traumas with blood, to dislike the masterpiece, to go against my purpose… I feel bad.

Elisa, I thought she would be just another human that when she grew up would become another despicable being, but no, she grew up and is still beautiful, inside too. In my diary I didn’t see anything related to hate, rancour or revenge feelings. I only read the facts that happened, the deep sadness and her dreams for the future.

This girl came into my life and left me without a trace, all these days that I spent here were an eternity for me, unfortunately I could not be by her side these days (but for her, they were years), I did not follow her growth, but she did not leave my mind even for a second. If I were stronger, none of this would have happened, however I am weak and at this moment I am despising myself.

I wish I could do more for her, I wish I could make her smile every day, I wish I could tear all that sadness out of her chest.

– No, you already know what happened and he is not angry. You can return to your treatment calmly Anael – I breathe more relieved with your words – Now I need to go back to my duties, see that you don’t keep running away from the room.

He warns me once more, it was easy to stay there in the first days, the trauma of losing a wing and almost being killed were huge, but after seven days inside, my body and mind were relieved of this suffering. Then came: worry. During three days I was walking from one side to the other, biting my nails, I really wanted to know how Elisa was… The memories of her crying and bleeding made me anxious, so I always tried to run away to go see her, but Suriel always caught me and made me go back, so my fulgas were always failures.

I walk slowly, I feel the smile on my face, even though I know Elisa is alone again, I am relieved to at least have been by her side in her moment of letting off steam. In spite of the situation, it was very good to have her in my arms, the feeling of protection seems to have increased.

I have to be honest… I wish I could have kissed your lips instead of your forehead. I know I shouldn’t even think about it, but it was what I wanted. I don’t know why, angels weren’t created to feel that way… much less with the most precious work of the Lord…

“I wonder if this was an act of betrayal!?” – I ask myself mentally amazed.

I don’t want to betray you… I don’t want to have black wings… Yet I cannot control my thoughts as they turn to my little girl.

I take a deep breath and shake my head, I go to some fruit trees, pick some apples and then go to the vines, pick two bunches of grapes and head to the recovery room. I won’t leave there until I’m completely healed.

[Elisa’s vision]

The sun enters through the window frame directly into my eyes making me wake up. I look around and find myself in my room.

“How did I end up here?” – I ask myself with a frown and rub my eyes with the back of my hands.

I search my mind, but the only thing I can remember are these words: “If you close your eyes tightly, and concentrate only on me, when you open them you will be able to see me. I cannot remember where I heard them nor who said them to me. I only remember walking to the square and crying into the icy night wind.

There are five days left of this year, and two weeks until I come of age. I need to start looking for a house to rent, or else I need to apply for a housing allowance at college. But I can’t put it off any longer, otherwise I’ll be thrown out on the street without a trace of pity.

I take a deep breath, get out of bed and with the help of my crutch go to the bathroom, do my personal hygiene and take a shower. I wish so much that my leg was not paralysed… Having one leg thicker than the other is so bad, not being able to walk or sweep a house is so frustrating…

“How will it be from now on? Until I finish college I won’t have anyone to take care of the room or the other things that my disability prevents me from doing” – I shake my head to scare away those thoughts, now is not the time to think about negative things. I need to focus on the hope that the future will be better.

I wrap myself in the towel and go back to the bedroom, I open the comada drawer and get the best looking trousers, it is worn out, but among the other two, it is the best one, I lie down on the bed and get dressed, then I put on my bra that although it is broken, it hides the beaks of my breasts, I get a retada a little weak, but it is the best one I have, I put it on and tie my hair in a ponytail.

I put on my cream-coloured trainers and slowly walk out of the house, I will try to see what is the best option: housing assistance or a rented room. But I also need to think about my commute, so if it’s a room, I need it to be close to the campus.

********

– That’s it, you are getting better every day! – my physiotherapist says smiling.

One year ago today I started college and my treatment. I did a lot of research and concluded that it would be better to live in a small room near the campus. With the pension I received from my father, I was able to hire a diarist to help me with the cleaning, and I have no problem paying for my treatments.

In the beginning it was very difficult, I had to do a battery of tests, I had to completely change my diet and buy food supplements, vitamins and medicines.

Today is the day to celebrate, I finally managed to walk without the crutch, I’m using a special shoe, it balances my leg. And with all the exercises I did, little by little, I’ve been recovering the movements of my legs, I’m still not perfect, but I’ve advanced a lot.

– Thank you Lyli. You were very important, your patience and kindness motivating me not to give up made all the difference.

– I want to see you happy with yourself! – she says smiling gently.

She smiles too; despite being at the university for a year now, I don’t have any friends. I am excluded from groups just as I was at school and at college. I didn’t suffer, I was already used to it, so the impact had no effect.

I leave the hospital where I am being treated and walk slowly back to my room. I change clothes and lie down on the bed, closing my eyes.

– If you close your eyes tightly and concentrate only on me, when you open them you will be able to see me. What does it mean?

My head is throbbing, I am trying at all costs to understand what this simple sentence means, and how do I know this sentence? Did someone say it to me? And if yes, who?

I feel my eyes heavy, my body and mind are exhausted, today the exercises made me very tired. My eyes are slowly closing, I feel sleep taking me into the dark, but before I can completely switch off my mind, this phrase is repeated once again in my subconscious.