Baby

Chapter 26

Iris:

“You did not have to do this, Dean.” I said, glaring at the man who was guiding us toward a restaurant. The man refused to let us come with my car, claiming that he could drive us back to school when we were done, and that was something that annoyed me more than ever, especially since I wasn’t ready to be alone with him after last right. “We can have this conversation when Lillian is not with us.”

“I know, but there is no need to keep waiting for something to happen when we can actually do something about it to make it happen.” Dean said, smiling down at our daughter who held my hand. I ran my finger over hers, thankful that she was too focused on the walls around us and the art that was there, the kids area was also packed with children, but I knew that she was somewhat too tired to go there right now. At least, it was how she was at school. My little one would often take naps after school to ensure that she didn’t grow tired over the day, but seeing her eyes light up. knew that things might end up taking a different turn.

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Dean looked at the kids area before turning to Lillian and getting on his knee in front of her. There were a few nannies and babysitters inside and I knew that it was their duty to mostly take care of the kids; however, just the idea of someone that I didn’t know watching over my child was not something that I favored; however, knowing Dean, I knew that he would find his way around this to get to spend the time he wants alone with me. Talking about this topic was not going to be done in front of Lillian, that was obvious, and he knew for fact that he wouldn’t be able to get me alone to talk about this any other way.

“Do you want to go and play with the other kids?” He asked, his voice softening as he spoke to the little girl who stared at him with big beautiful eyes. It pained me to know that the man who stood in front of her was the man that she spent most of her childhood asking about. Since she grew old enough to go to school and recognize the fact that other kids had their fathers with them, she was often curious about why she didn’t have hers with her. And now that he was, I didn’t know how to confront her about it.

“But mommy..

“If you want to go, sweetheart, you can.” I said softly, not wanting her to hesitate because she was worried about what I had to say about it. I knew that I would be able to keep an eye on her anyway, and the fact that this wasn’t any restaurant, it was one that almost all businessmen and women came when they wanted to mingle about; however, some often brought their kids to have them interacting with one another even at the young age that they were at. It was one of the first that Dean and I came to together as a husband and wife when we were having a few meetings with his

peers.

Lillian smiled and nodded excitedly, and forcing myself to let her hand go, I watched as she walked with her father toward the reception where the lady took her in. He looked back at me for a second before turning to the woman who was looking at the two of us, waiting for what we had to say.

“Do you want to give your number?” He asked, looking at me and I shook my head, I had to be an adult and make this decision as long as I wanted him to be part of her life. It wasn’t going to be

easy, but small steps like this would be making a difference, that was something that I knew for fact.

yes were wide in surprise as “You can give them yours.” I said, avoiding Dean’s eyes. I knew that his he froze for a second before turning to face the woman. Lillian smiled at me before running inside the room to play with the other kids while Dean turned to face me as he led me toward one of the

tables.

“You still sit on the same table after all time?” I asked and he shook his head. My heart swelled at the fact that he actually remembered our exact table to guide us to it after all this time. The memories that we both had in this place were endless, and though it was something that I wanted to do so. All I had to do was live with everything and accept it. I needed to know how to be strong because of it, but he more I thought of what happened, the more I felt weak to my stomach as I recalled how happy I was with the man before he was taken away from me.

to forget, I knew that it would be impossib

“I haven’t been here since the two of us got divorced.” He said, making my chest ache at the memory. The fact that I knew that things were going to be rough wasn’t a lie, but I knew better than to act upon it, if anything, I knew that I needed to try and accept that things have happened for a reason between us, and whether or not I liked it, I knew that they wouldn’t be changing anytime

soon.

“What do you want to drink?” He asked, changing the subject as we both sat on our chairs. I looked

head down at the desk, trying to ignore the pain that I was feeling as his words kept playing in my And though I wasn’t sure whether or not he said it to hurt me or he was being genuine, I couldn’t help but find myself softening as I looked at him.

“A café latte would be good.” I said, and he nodded. I knew that I wouldn’t be drinking most of it, at least, I didn’t plan to. My stomach was already sore and the two of us hadn’t even started the

conversation.

Dean ordered the drinks from the waitress who approached us before turning his attention to me. I had to admit, just the fact that I had his full attention somewhat frightened me, mostly because I didn’t know where anything would be going; however, I knew one thing, I was more than just scared because of it.

“What happened over the years? Where did you go and how did you manage things?” He asked, making my chest ache. It was a past that I didn’t want to open. Especially since I knew that even I didn’t know how I managed to deal with things. I was alone, and weak. My mom refused to be there- for me when I needed her most, and my dad didn’t bother coming as I knew that he couldn’t face me; therefore, for months, I was just stuck on my own.

“I knew that staying here was not going to be good either for me or Lillian when I found out that I was pregnant. Hence why I chose to leave.” I said, answering his underlined question. It was something that I knew he liked. I read him like an open book and regardless of whatever he tried asking, whether direct or not, I often knew what he was referring to. “As for why I didn’t tell you, before you ask, I was afraid that you would have me abort her, or that you would resent her. Me hiding her was more suitable at that point, as I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle any more stress than 1–already was in.”

“Did you know that you were pregnant when you signed the divorce papers?” He asked and I

nodded. I couldn’t even look the man in the eye as answered the question, mostly because I knew that things would have taken a different turn if he knew. But the damage had been done back then, and staying with him was not going to make anything better. If anything, it was going to make things worse for both him and I, especially with his mistress, or more specifically, his wife, and that wasn’t something that I wanted to handle.

“I almost lost her on that day when I was signing the paper. The two of us were arguing and that was when I decided that it was either my love for you or my child.” I said, taking a deep breath as I tried voicing out what happened. Dean stayed quiet as he listened. “I chose my baby that night. It killed me inside to know that my choice could lead to the fact that she might not end up having her father, but I knew that protecting her was my duty as her mother. If not, then I wouldn’t be considered a mother.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, when you found out?” He asked, and I gave him a weak smile as the waitress came with our drinks. The guilt that I felt about not telling him was one that I couldn’t describe, mostly because I knew that things might have been different, but I couldn’t tell him about it, I was scared.

“You had Mariana in your life and I knew that you didn’t want me in your life in comparison to her.” I said, avoiding his eyes. “I couldn’t ruin that happiness for you, and I couldn’t build my happiness over a misery that I knew would end up being my fate.”

Dean stayed quiet for a few seconds, and I couldn’t help but feel like my chest ached as he looked down at his cup of coffee. His next words took me off guard though, despite him not looking at me, and despite his somewhat cold tone, I could tell that he was being genuine with his question. It was one that I knew to expect, and was one that I knew that he would be asking, especially since I knew that he wanted to take part in our daughter’s life. It was something that I wouldn’t be able to deprive him from his daughter, especially when I knew that he missed a lot in her life because of

1. me.

“So, what do you plan on doing from here?”