Beneath the Surface

Lexie

I look at the three men and wonder what the hell is going on. A week ago the boys wanted to move they were so scared of this man, and now I come outside to find them talking to him and Jason even letting him touch him. I wish I would have been close enough to hear what they were saying. I watched them from the doorway for a minute and it’s obvious he was teaching Jason how to make a fist and where to punch. I could have taught the boys that but they’ve never needed it before. Judging by Jason’s eye they need it now.

From the way the guys are acting I’d guess that they think I’m going to be pissed when I find out what they were doing. Some women would be pissed off about teaching their children violence. I’m not one of those women. I try to hold back my smile. I grew up with two brother, and my older brothers best friend always around. I understand that bullies won’t stop unless someone makes them, and I also know how to throw a punch with the best of them. The men have started shifting on their feet and I decide to put them out of their misery.

“I know what you were doing.” I let them sweat for a couple seconds waiting to see if I start yelling at them before smiling at Jax. “Thanks for that. I should have already shown them how to throw a punch, but back home they never needed to know.” They all look relieved.

Jax raises an eyebrow, “Where is back home?” I smirk and turn and walk inside my house without answering.

A couple hours later there’s a knock at the door, and I peek out the window to see Carson standing on my steps. I open the door and try to paste a smile on my face. I know he seems like a good guy, but that doesn’t mean I want to be alone with him.

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He looks embarrassed for some reason, “Can I see the boys for minute please?”

“Sure come on in,” I open the door wider for him to enter even though I can feel panic starting to swell in my chest. As long as he doesn’t come too close or touch me I should be fine. I’ll be fine! I have to be, I have to start moving on at some point, and to do that I have to try and push through my fears. Today is as good a day as any to start trying. I yell for the boys to come downstairs.

When the boys come racing to us Carson gets down on his knees in front of them. They keep their distance but seem interested in finding out what he wants.

“Yall have seen me a few times but we haven’t been introduced. My name is Carson Bailey.” He holds his hand out for them to shake. They each step forward and shake his hand while telling him their names. Carson reaches into his pocket and pulls something out, I lean to the right to try and see what it is. I see the feathers, and my eyes immediately start to fill. He brought them a dream catcher.

“What is that?” Justin steps forward to get a closer look.

“Well buddy it’s called a dream catcher. Some people believe that they catch bad dreams. They say that the web catches the bad dreams and lets the good dreams through the holes. A very wonderful man gave this one to me when I was a teenager to try to help with my bad dreams. I think maybe y’all need it more than I do now.” he holds it out to Justin as I wipe the tears off my face. “Maybe y’all can hang it between your beds so it can work for both of you. If you each need your own though, let me know. I still know the man that gave that one to me, and I know he has a few more.”

Justin hands it to Jason to look at, and Jason just stares at it silently for a few minutes. Finally he looks back up, “Did it help with your bad dreams?”

Carson hesitates, “Sometimes it did.”

“Mom will you help me hang it up?”

I tell him to run upstairs and I’ll be there in a minute. I wipe the last of the tears from my face as I turn back to Carson. He looks horrified to see that I’m crying. “What did I do? Why are you crying?” He reaches out and grabs me and pulls me to him. Even as I realize he is only trying to comfort me panic washes over me like a wave.

My heart starts beating so hard I can hear it in my ears and I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe? No matter how hard I try to pull in air I’m not getting any. I think I’m having a heart attack. Carson pulls back and looks at me and his eyes widen. “Take a deep breathe hold it and count to ten for me Lexie.” I hear him and I know that I need to do what he says, but I can’t get a breath, how am I supposed to hold one? I shake my head at him. It’s not working! He grabs my shoulders. No don’t touch me! I pull away from him and try to catch my breath. My thoughts are running so fast I can’t even process them all. “STOP!” I meant to yell it in my head but I can tell from Carson’s face that I yelled it out loud. Justin skids around the corner with my pill bottle in his hand, with Justin not far behind. He hands me the bottle and I fumble with the lid before Carson snatches it and hands me a pill. Jason runs back in the room with water and I swallow the pill and try to calm my thoughts. My hands and feet are tingling. I sit down on the floor with my back against the wall and focus on calming my heart. Even though I feel like I can’t breathe I know I’m getting air or I would have passed out by now. I focus on that thought and let it start to calm me.

“There you go Lexie you’re getting it under control. Now take a deep breath, count to ten and let it out.” I close my eyes and lay my head against the wall and do as Carson says. In a couple minutes the attack starts to fade. I look up and see Carson and the boys staring at me.