HER EVERY FANTASY

She didn’t care that he could well afford to look after his wife and family. Not all the money in the world could buy her into that situation.

So she told herself in a rage of pain and pride as she made herself march towards the designated departure gate. Yet every step of the way, her body was begging for Collins to follow her, stop her, convince her she was wrong, heal the hurts and make everything better so she could believe a marriage between them could and would work.

But he didn’t come after her.

Didn’t stop her.

She joined the line of passengers boarding the aeroplane. She was so tense and tremulous she dropped her ticket when it was her turn to put it through the processing machine. Every second was an agony of waiting for a shout or a hand to clamp on her shoulder.

But nothing stopped her from entering the boarding tunnel. No call came for her to disembark before the flight took off. Once the big jet started rolling down the tarmac. Jasmine sagged into a huge black hole of hopelessness.

It was over.

The baby…

The chance of marrying Collins Templeton…

She’d lost both of them…

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——–

For the full week she was supposed to be away, Jasmine left her answering machine on, not wanting to speak to anyone. She listened to the messages. Nothing from Collins. Which was only to be expected. It was stupid to feel tense every time the telephone rang. Clearly he had accepted her rejection and was probably grateful for it before she’d even left Los Angeles.

Mostly the calls were from Favour, increasingly impatient with her sister’s absence.

‘Where are you?’ she demanded on one message.

On her last call came an exasperated, ‘Okay, Mum tells me you’ve gone off on a week’s vacation. You could have told me, too. So call me as soon as you’re back.’

Favour… whom she was sure was still happily pregnant. Jasmine didn’t want to hear baby news. The grief over her own loss could be too easily tapped. But she couldn’t block her sister out of her life because Favour had what she would never have now. That was too mean and miserable. Within a reasonable response time, Jasmine steeled herself to chat as normally as she could to her very voluble sister.

‘At last!’ Favour greeted with emphatic satisfaction. ‘Where have you been?’

‘Oh, just up to the Blue Mountains, communing with nature,’ she answered. It wasn’t a complete lie. She had driven up there yesterday to get herself out of the apartment and memories that crowded in on her at home. ‘Is everything okay with you? Why all the calls?’

‘Everything’s fine. Wonderful! Did you watch the Academy Awards on TV?’ Favour pressed eagerly.

Jasmine’s heart turned over. This had to be about Collins . ‘No,’ she said flatly. The flight home crossed the dateline, losing a day. If Collins had won an award he would have been presented with it while she was still flying over the ocean. Not that she would have watched the ceremony anyway. Why torture herself with might-have-beens?

‘Collins won for achievement in visual effects,’ Favour announced as though it was a triumph that she and Leonard were still celebrating.

‘Well, good for him!’ Jasmine responded, trying to inject some enthusiasm into her voice.

‘And you’ll never know what…’ Favour ran on excitedly.

‘What?’ Jasmine obliged.

‘He mentioned me and Leonard in his acceptance speech.’

‘Well, that must have been a nice surprise.’ It surprised her, too.

‘And the fact we’re having a baby.’ Favour added.

Jasmine’s stomach contracted.

‘I don’t know how he knew. Leonard hadn’t told him. He must have got the news from his mother who’s very friendly with Leonard’s mother.’

I told him, Jasmine thought.

‘Anyhow, there he was, up on stage receiving an Oscar, and Leonard and I were expecting him to rave on about the movie and thank all the people who’d helped to bring his vision to life, which he did, very briefly. Then he said. .. I know the words off by heart because we videoed it… so listen to this, Jasmine.’

‘I’m listening,’ she said, her nerves in a total mess again.

‘I quote… ‘I guess it could be said this is a pinnacle of achievement for me. Creative achievement. But the far greater creation is a beautiful new life. I have just heard that my oldest bestfriend here in Australia, Leonard, and his lovely wife, Favour, are expecting a baby. Their first child. I think that’s worth more than a thousand Oscars. Congratulations, Leonard.’

Their first child…

Had her miscarriage still been preying on his mind, above and beyond the crowning recognition of his work? Was he finding it much more difficult to set aside than it had been to set her aside? Her heart ached unbearably as Favour rattled on.

‘Wasn’t that great? Leonard was so thrilled. I couldn’t believe it, being named like that on an internationally televised show. And the applause was terrific. The camera followed Collins back to his seat in the auditorium. Leonard was saying it would give the woman he was with ideas, but the odd thing was, he didn’t have anyone with him. The seat beside him was empty.’

Her seat.

Had she been… irreplaceable?

An overwhelming sadness clogged her mind. It was like pulling words out through quicksand to make adequate replies to Favour’ s happy carry-on. Eventually she managed to end the call, desperately fending off an invitation to view the video, saying she was heavily booked up with activities for the next few weeks. In fact, she was running late for an appointment now.

It was a lie.

She hated telling lies.

But it had been the only defence she could come up with. The hurt was too raw to share with anyone, especially if… Had she been wrong to reject Collins proposal.’ Had she misunderstood his motives, misinterpreted his words and actions? Maybe he would have been faithful to their marriage, cleaving only to her…

Stop it, stop it, stop it! she savagely berated herself.

It was done.

Finished. Too late to take back.