I want You Deeper

Donna opened her mouth to speak but before she got a word out, the server returned. Just a few extra minutes as Donna had requested. They both placed their orders, and once the server was gone again, Donna gave speaking another shot.

“I was out of line. I realize that now. I plan to apologize to Nicholas, but first I wanted to clear things up with you.”

Charlie shook her head. “That’s really not necessary. As long as you and Nicholas get everything squared away, I’m good.”

But Donna shook her head, her mouth set in a firm line. “I’ve never seen Nicholas like that.”

Charlie braced herself. This was the lecture she probably would have expected if she’d stopped to think about what might happen at this lunch meeting. A stern reprimand about the way Nicholas had treated her at the brunch the previous day-in front of all her friends, no less. Charlie supposed she deserved that, but if she was walking away from this family, she really didn’t need to deal with this.

“He’s in love. I can’t interfere, because it’s obvious he doesn’t want me to, but I also sense that you aren’t aware that he’s in love with you.”

A long silence passed as Charlie struggled to process what she’d just heard. It had been completely unexpected-so unexpected, in fact, she was sure she’d imagined it. Had Nicholas’s mother just said Nicholas was in love…with Charlie?

“I don’t think that’s true,” Charlie finally managed to force out. “He’s a really good actor, but it was all just an act. He made that clear.”

Narrowing her eyes, Donna tilted her head slightly. “Did he? How so?”

“He didn’t even say goodbye, for one thing.” Charlie gestured toward her phone, which was still snug in the pocket of her suit jacket. “He hasn’t tried to call or text, either.”

“My guess is that he thinks you don’t return his feelings.” Donna paused as the server set their drinks down, then picked right up once the server disappeared. “I know my son. I know his insecurities. He seems like he’s got it all together, but he doesn’t realize how amazing he is.”

Charlie nodded. She supposed she could see that. But that brought her to her next point. “Do you think maybe you contribute to that?”

It was a risky question to ask. Donna could respond by completely shutting down, maybe even ordering her to leave this restaurant now. How dare Charlie question her parenting? She was so sure that would be the reaction, she was actually surprised when it wasn’t.

“I think I do.” Donna nodded, staring down at her plate briefly before lifting her gaze to Charlie’s face again. “I’ve been thinking about how much of my attention has focused on what people think of me, rather than who I actually am as a person.”

Charlie remained silent. She’d actually made that same observation, based both on Donna’s actions and what her son had said. But no way would she reveal that.

“It’s something I plan to work on.” Donna rearranged her silverware and drink glass. Tidying seemed to help her somehow. “Me, too,” Charlie finally said after a long silence.

The last thing she wanted to do was make this about her. It wasn’t about her. But instinct told her opening up about her own issues might help Donna realize she wasn’t alone.Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

“In fact, the whole reason your son and I made the agreement in the first place was that I wanted to show off for my high school reunion. There were a couple of women who were mean to me ten years ago, and I never let it go. Do you know what I learned from the experience?”

Donna stared at her, eyes wide, confirming Charlie had been right to mention her own issues with it. She decided to continue.

“We’re all guilty of it. Even Nicholas.”

Donna’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t think so. He’s pretty self-assured.”

“He competes. His brother, his best friend, pretty much everyone in Silicon Valley. They all do. It’s like a race to the top around here. I think measuring ourselves against others is human nature, and that’s all you’re doing. The problem is, when you do it, you put the pressure on your sons as well as yourself.”

“That’s what you realized at your reunion?” Donna asked.

The server brought a basket of bread. Donna ignored it, which immediately made Charlie think about doing the same. But then she remembered her new mission to do what she wanted, regardless of what other people thought.

Charlie dug a dinner roll out of the basket. “No. I realized that people don’t really care all that much about what we’re doing. They’re not impressed because, newsflash, they’re too busy beefing their own lives up so that they can impress everyone else.”

After a long, thoughtful moment, Donna nodded. “You’re right. None of my friends seemed all that blown away by the wedding. All that work and they just shrugged it off. In fact, my friend Annabelle spent most of yesterday morning talking about the wedding she was going to have for her own children when they got married-and they’re not even engaged.”

“Did your friends even call to check on you after what happened at the brunch?”

Charlie would have bet money they hadn’t, but Donna nodded. “They actually were great. They came together and planned a big get-together last night for dinner. They knew I was upset and didn’t want me to be alone.” “Sounds like some pretty good friends,” Charlie commented.

She thought of her own friendships, including Brooke. Charlie tended to get stuck in her routine, only getting together with friends when it was planned in advance. Even then, things seemed pretty superficial. She was guilty of not being there for other people, and it was something she needed to work on.

“They are,” Donna said. “They say I need to have a heart to heart with

Nicholas. But I want you to do me a favor.”

Charlie was almost afraid to ask. “What?”

“Talk to my son. If you have feelings for him, let him know. Give him a chance to at least decide.”

Charlie opened her mouth to argue but immediately closed it again. Donna was making the same point Brooke had, in essence. By not telling Nicholas how she felt, she wasn’t giving him a chance to reject her. But she wasn’t giving him a chance to tell her he felt the same, either. And if she held back out of fear, she’d never know.

“You know what? I think I’ll have some bread. Why not?”

Smiling at Charlie, Donna reached into the breadbasket and pulled out the biggest roll of all.