Indebted to the Mafia King

*Cal*

I've had other women say they loved me before-after we had sex and I'd taken them to paradise and back. It's not uncommon. However, I know that Heidi's words carry a different meaning than all of the rest. I'm absolutely positive she didn't say that just because she was in post-coital bliss. She meant it. Every word. I only know because I can feel that whatever we have going on between us is different from anything I have ever experienced before.

Which is why it freaks me the fuck out.

This wasn't supposed to get this deep. This was supposed to remain an infatuation, a brief curiosity. Something I could chase, experience, and set aside. Because I'm a dangerous man, and that danger lurks in every facet of my life. She'd never be safe.

But deep down, the selfish part of me is thrilled to know she loves me. I never thought I deserved someone's love, but Heidi makes me feel like I do. Like somehow I deserve to be with her and have her by my side. That's the kind of effect she has on me. One that I don't know how to face.

She falls asleep fast in my arms, and I ponder what to do. I'm not sleepy at all. If anything, I'm more anxious than ever after hearing her confession.noveldrama

So, gently, I pull the blanket over her naked body, being as careful as possible not to wake her. Even though it kills me to have to step away from her now, I need to take in some fresh air and maybe get myself another glass of whiskey to numb my nerves so I'm able to think clearly. I can't allow myself to fall into the giddy feeling of love. It's counterproductive and distracting.

I edge out of the bedroom and head to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of whiskey before walking to the balcony. The city lights are incredibly beautiful tonight, like stars against a blanket of black velvet. It reminds me of home for a moment-Galway-where the air is clean and fresh, and the sky is wide and open. I take in the cold air around me and imagine I'm back there, walking into my ma's house, shrugging out of my coat while bustling Heidi in behind me. I'm not sure why that crosses my mind but.... She's the one, isn't she?

What the hell am I supposed to do with her now?.

The type of life that I lead in the underworld is not something that I would wish for anyone. Let alone someone like her.

Heidi is so pure, innocent, genuinely kind... how could I put her through the danger that I face on a daily basis? How would I ever be at peace knowing she might be in danger because of me?

Deep down, I'm mostly afraid of what she will say and do once I decide to come clean with her and tell her the truth about my career and my role in the mafia world. So far, she hasn't asked about it. She doesn't seem to care why the owner of a dive bar has the money for a nice car and a penthouse apartment.

Would she listen to my reasoning and try to understand them? Or would she accuse me of being a liar and using her, shattering her heart with my omission?

I take another huge gulp of my whiskey, finishing the contents of my glass as I stare at the tall buildings ahead of me. Reality hits me like a ton of bricks. I should give her the opportunity to choose. But if Heidi broke up with me because she couldn't accept what I do for a living, that would crush me.

Because the truth is that I also love her-whether I'm willing to admit it to her yet or not.

Her words still echoe in my mind. The moment I heard them, I was paralyzed with fear, but also thrilled to know she had such deep feelings for me.

I've never loved a woman in my life. I've never met a woman who made me think of settling down, of giving up everything I've built. But Heidi makes me think of those things. Things I never considered myself doing. Ever.

Getting married, having kids, building a family... that's not something I'm allowed to have.

Tony's family comes to mind, and it makes me wonder why can't I have the same thing? We have the same lifestyle, and yet, he manages to keep his family safe just fine.

Sure, it wasn't always easy, and I'm sure that won't always be the case. He'll be constantly looking over his shoulder, making sure he's in control and that his family is out of danger. I can also do that, can't I? I can keep Heidi safe.

A voice in the back of my mind sneers, telling me I can't. I can't even find whoever is threatening me. I can't say Heidi is safe right now, lying in my bed, either. I have no clue what their plans are, what they are after, and when they will get to me, catching me off guard. It's fucking frustrating. I sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

It sucks to be out of control, unsure of what to do. But I realize there's no way I can come to a decision tonight. I'm tired, and more than anything, I want to enjoy having Heidi in my bed. So, with that in mind, I head back inside, leaving my empty glass in the kitchen sink and returning to my bedroom.

Heidi is still asleep, entangled in my sheets, her smooth hair covering her face. I climb back in the bed, carefully adjusting myself on the mattress so as not to wake her. However, she must feel the movement beside her, Heidi opens her eyes lazily, finding me staring at her with a guilty expression.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I whisper.

But she only hums, scooting closer and lying her head on my chest. I willingly embrace her, pulling her tight against me.

"Are you okay?" she asks in a whisper. I can barely hear her.

"Yeah, I was just getting some air," I explain, kissing her head and closing my eyes.

Having her here with me, like this-her legs intertwined with mine, her soft, warm skin against me—makes all my worries and concerns vanish from my mind completely. Her scent calms me, and I inhale sharply, taking in as much as I can. She's like a drug I'm addicted to and can't get enough of.

"I thought you left," Heidi confesses, her voice dragging.

"I'm not going anywhere," I reassure her, looking down and finding her eyes closed again. "Now, go get some sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up." I intend to keep that promise. Waking up to find Heidi beside me might be one of the best feelings in the world. And I can't wait to experience that, and so much more with her. Eventually, sleep catches up to me, and I feel my eyes grow heavy. I fight it for a while, not wanting to let go of this feeling of holding Heidi, but if I'm right about one thing is that this won't be the last time I have her here, in my bed, all to myself. With that, I finally allow myself to fall asleep.

Surprisingly, when I open my eyes again, the sun is already up, its rays passing through the curtains in my bedroom window.

Heidi's scent hits me, and I look to my side, finding her breathing peacefully, her chest moving up and down without a care in the world. As I had imagined, it's one of the best sensations in the world to watch her like this. She's so beautiful, and I know I'm lucky to have such a wonderfu woman in my bed.

When her eyelashes start to flutter slightly, I dart my eyes to the ceiling, pretending I haven't been staring at her for about an hour. In my peripheral vision, I see Heidi stretching her arms above her head, moaning quietly as she wakes up. "Good morning," she says, her voice raspy from sleep.

I look at her, a smile tugging on the corner of my mouth. "Morning, sweetheart," I reply, not daring to move. If I do, I'm afraid I might touch her naked body under the sheets and I won't be able to get out of this bed in time to get to work. "Did you sleep well?" I ask, watching as she blinks slowly, her eyes glowing under the sunlight. She looks perfect in the morning, her eyes bright blue and her skin like porcelain. She's something to behold.

"I don't think I've slept this well since the incident with the bookstore,” she admits, rolling to her side and facing me. Her right leg slowly wraps around mine, and I feel my entire body stiffen with tension as she caresses my leg with her foot.

I swallow hard, closing my eyes and letting the sensation wash over me. "I'm happy I could provide you with a good night's sleep for a change," I joke, trying to lighten the mood before I can't stop myself from taking her again.

She chuckles beside me, and in the blink of an eye, she's naked on top of me, straddling me with her toned legs.

Heidi grins at me, teasing me with her hips. "So, do you have to go to work immediately or do you have time for more?"