Kissing The Wind

Tomorrow came and Rogie was gone. The principal had visited our class and personally announced Rogie’s departure. I just did not expect her to denouce bullying at school. With all those years, I thought bullying was normal in the academy for even the administration did not bother to defend the bullied.

“It was Rogie’s plea. He wanted to stop the bullying system in the academy,” the principal admitted when I asked why she denounce bullying.

My brow raised. He stopped the system when he was gone. Great. I should not question it, right? He was the master bully. Of course, he must stop the system because he’ll transfer and he’ll build another bullying system in another place. I huffed.

What a perfect story.

While walking back to the classroom, I could not erase Rogie’s face in my mind. Especially his crying face. I sighed and shook my head. I chose to be silent for that entire morning.

Later that day, our adviser announced the annual PTA meeting next week. It was mandatory for the parents to the attend but it made me nervous. I was not in good terms with my parents. How can I suppose to have someone to attend? Anthony was not my guardian.

And that meeting was my problem for the next few days. I was not even surprised that Anthony noticed my restlessness. When he asked me, I did not hesitate to tell him the thing that bothered me.

“It’s time for you to reconcile with your parents,” he said.

I looked at him with a huff. “I did tell you why I don’t like to live with them.”

“But Sydnee, it’s not good that you keep grudge with them in you. That emotion won’t let you rest.”

“I can’t,” I whispered and looked away.

“You haven’t forgave them.”

That made me sigh. “It’s easy for you to condemn me but you don’t understand how they broke me. It was engraved in my soul and a part of me was still afraid of my mother. I was just a kid then. The trauma I endured was still clear in my mind.”

Anthony looked at the distant. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon. We were standing in the balcony, chillin’ with each other. I had finished my homework and Anthony finished his work for the weekend. I urged him to let me stay in the balcony and I was glad he stayed to accompany me.

But I was not happy to hear him urging me to reconcile with my parents. I did not like to idea of living with them. Just the glimpse of my mom would make me cringe and I could not stop myself frowning at dad. I thought it was impossible for me to mend what was broken between the three of us.

“Have you let go of your hatred, Sydnee?”

My brows knotted at his question. “Hatred to whom?”

He looked at me sideway. “Your hatred towards your parents.”

That made me raise my brow. “I don’t hate them?” I asked and I meant to be sarcastic, but I thought I did not sound like that.

Anthony blinked. “You hate them,” he said.

“I didn’t.”

“You sound unsure.”

I sighed and looked at the distant. More orange streak of lights formed in the horizon. The breeze was becoming more chilly as time went by.

“I don’t hate them. I’m just… afraid.”

“If you insist that you’re afraid, then you did not know yourself well.” His hand rested on my shoulder and I did not shoo it away. I saw in the corner of my eye how he stared at me, scrutinizing me under his gaze. “Whenever you talk about your mother, Sydnee… I always see hatred in your eyes.”

I blinked for a few times before I looked at him, unsure of my expression. “You do?”

He nodded. “You might think you’re afraid, but it was hatred that you can’t let go that’s why you can’t forgive them. Hatred stayed in your heart, manifesting as fear whenever you think of your mother.”

“Mother,” I muttered. “How about my father?”

His brows knotted before he said, “Hurt. You were hurt by him but it was not hatred that stayed in you. You’re indifferent to your father.”

A dry laugh escaped from my lips. “You sound sure saying things I could not even think of me.”

“I can read you from here. It was all in your face, Sydnee.”

I gulped and closed my eyes. I inhaled sharply. “I’m not sure if I could let go. You know…” I opened my eyes. “I lost the will to reconcile with them. They hurt me. And I’m not ready to experience that hurt again if I open myself to them, allowing them to hurt me again and again.”

“It’s not that you lost your will, but you don’t trust yourself anymore, Sydnee.”

“Stop reading me like I’m an open book!” I spat, angry at his remarks. “You don’t know me so don’t urge me to do things I can’t do!”Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.

He went silent. I heaved a sigh and looked down. We stayed still for a few minutes before I said, “Please… d-don’t push me.”

I gasped when Anthony pulled me closer to him and guided my head to his chest. He patted my head and hummed. “For God commandeth saying honor your mother and father, and he who curses mother or father shall be put to death.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“That you should honor your parents but do not follow their deeds. Respect them but do not obey everything they order especially when it is immoral. Sydnee, hatred will only give you nothing but restlessness. Indifference will only make you cold and apathetic.”

“So…?”

“Do you want to stay where you are? To never feel freedom from your past? To never feel the power of forgiveness? To never feel the love that somebody could give to you?”

“Is there forgiveness for me?” I asked. “And will somebody love me?”

He chuckled. “Of course.” I felt his fingers moved in my hair, feeling them as he played with the softness of my lock. “There is someone willing to love you, Sydnee.”

His words brought comfort into my being. Strange. But I let myself drown in his warmth. My arms wrapped around his torso and my face pressed against his hard chest. I felt his body relaxed and he hummed. Again.

A smile spread into my lips and it lingered there for a few seconds before I asked him. “Have you loved someone, Anthony?”

He was silent for a few minutes before he answered, “Yes.”

My eyes shot open and my body tensed at his word. I tighten my arms around him. “Now? Is there someone in your heart?”

“Yes.”

His second ‘yes’ made me lose my arms around him. I looked down and sighed. “Who is she?”

He tugged my arm and tried to pull me to him again but I made my foot stayed rooted in the spot.