Love Aint Always Pretty

Chapter 22: 22 Zugzwang

Zugzwang

- a situation where every possible move or decision is a bad one; one that will result in a damage or loss

Origin: German

He licks his lips.

"Kiss me Nick." It's a plea.

Nick quickly crashes onto my lips without hesitations, invading all of my mouth and starts kissing me. I'm lost every time he kisses me. I'm lost every time he touches my body. I lose the ability to control my body when he takes over me. My limbs weaken when he brushes his hands on me. My hands now busy unbuttoning his pants and our kiss becomes more deeper.

Hard.

"Hmm, pepperoni." He teased.

I smiled at him before he kissed me back. He is smiling too, I feel his smile in between our kiss. He slowly pulls my shirt off from my head and slips my shorts together with my underwear off my legs. He unclasps my bra right away and he's such an expert to that. It's was even less than a second.

"Wow." He complimented while his eyes were busy looking at my breasts after he took off my bra. He gropes my breasts with both hands and squeezes it gently.

I smiled.

It was a good compliment from Nick. I never thought he'll get fascinated by my boobs. I can't stop smiling now but I need to stop smiling cos we're about to fuck.

He lays me down on the bed and he's on top of me, still fully clothe on. I'm naked before him. "This is unfair." I say.

He smirks.

"Should we turn off the lights?" I asked.

He shakes his head. "No. I wanna fuck you with the lights on."

I gulped. My baby fats. My stretch marks. My dark spots. My every flaw. My body parts that makes me feel so insecure will be shown.

"If you could just look at what I'm looking at right now. You're very beautiful." He say as if he's reading my mind.

I'm blushing.

"Every inch and corner of your body is beyond perfect Savannah." He continues while he takes a good look at me. Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

He can see all of my flaws before him well cos the lights were on and I don't know if I should be embarrassed by this now.

I place my lower lip in between my teeth. Nick starts taking off his shirt and threw it to the floor. He kicks off his shoes and pulls down his pants, leaving his boxer shorts. His erection is growing. I can see it.

"Can I taste you?" He asks.

I nod vigorously.

Oh yes Nick.

You can. You can taste me all you want.

His hands running over my inner thighs, making me feel like all my senses are alive. He's spreading my legs open for him and he keeps licking his lips while he's looking at me. His head down closely in between my thighs, he looks up to me like a lion before he lands his warm wet tongue on my sex. I gasp.

"Oh god." I moan.

He does it again and again then presses his tongue hard against my nub and licks it continuously fast. He's not stopping on licking me. Oh god. Oh god. I feel a finger going inside. Then two. In and out repeatedly a little bit fast. I bite my lower lip hard. My legs are jerking. I tug his hair, pushing his face deeper down on my sex but he doesn't complain and he's even gaining speed now. I whimper with my eyes closed. He pulls out his fingers from me and holds both of my thighs to hold me against his mouth so I won't move away from him.

"Oh my god!" I squeezed my right boob.

I exhaled once he stopped then he quickly takes off his boxers. My jaws dropped while he was stroking his erection. Now I see why he needs a large sized condom. Oh my god.

It's big.

It's really ridiculously big and I'm not even exaggerating about it.

And it's long too.

Goodness! It's perfectly delicious.

He reaches for a condom from the box, tears the foil and puts it on him. Now he's before me, he props to his elbow, feeling a little of his weight over my body but he's making sure he's not crushing me. He looks at me, searching for doubts in my eyes. No Nick, I'm not having second thoughts. I so want this now. I want you.

Then his tip finally touches my entrance rubbing on me, until I slowly feel his whole considerably length entering me. I breathy gasped. Wow. Wow. Wow. It's consuming all the space inside that hole too much. It's really big. It really is.

"You're so tight." He moans.

I know I am. I feel it too. Or maybe you're just too big.

He starts to move out slow then gets inside and then pulls out and then inside and then he's getting fast. "Oh god Savannah."

His lips landed into mine and I was moaning on his mouth too while he was thrusting me. The bed makes a squeaky sound with every thrusts he does but both of us didn't care about it. It felt more of like a motivation on his part. He groans. He curses. He calls out my name. He moans. He curses again. He was loud but I understand cos this was his first sex after eight years of abstaining.

He's fast.

He's pushing.

He's thrusting hard.

Very hard.

He holds himself still then pushes back in all of a sudden then pull all the way out and slams into me once more. He does it several times and I just lie down with my heels digging deep into the mattress. He takes both of my hands up and entwines his fingers on mine. I'm holding tight onto his hand while he's also doing the same thing. Our cheeks pressed together and I feel him licking my ear then I feel him kissing me beneath my ear.

Oh god the sensation.

He exhales heavily. His forehead dropping to my shoulder and he was still tensed. Still shaking. Still deep inside me.

He just came.

He pulls out and I feel him kissing my neck again. Gently sucking before moving down to my breasts. He licks my nipples. He gropes the left while he's licking the other one then he pulls away from me and disposes the condom. Dropping it to the floor. Now I see a good view of his abs, his V and oh his bare delicious length. He bites his lower lip while he was watching over my body. He spreads my legs apart again.

I have to keep my eyes open. I have to keep my eyes wide open. I chanted.

He kisses me on my mouth again but it was just briefly until he licks his tongue over my body, moving down down down. Oh yes, he's in between me again. His mouth on my sex again. Yes. Yes Nick. He inserts two fingers again and his tongue pressed on my skin. He does it together making my body arch up from the bed.

I'm moaning.

I'm convulsing.

I'm....

Oh my god...

I'm....

I gasped.

I quickly pulled the pillow and covered my face cos I couldn't hold it in anymore. I moaned loud on the pillow. I pressed my face hard on it. I wouldn't wanna get kicked out of the dorm cos of this. My parents will kill me too.

He hungrily works his mouth up to my body again and grabs the pillow off of my face. He smiles before kissing me briefly.

"You okay?" He asks.

It looks like he's the one more experienced than I am, even though he has abstained sex for eight years.

"God Nick. You're so fucking good for a virgin." I teased.

He chuckles while resting his forehead on my forehead. "One more?"

I nodded.

He reaches for another condom and I snatched it away from him. "I'll put it on you." I said.

Nick smiled. "Do you know how to?"

"Nick. You're the virgin here." I teased him while I start opening the foil.

"Call me a virgin again and I'll make sure you can't walk tomorrow." He grins.

I blushed. "Make me." I challenged.

He's just smiling.

I started putting it on him and he moans when I stroked his length. "Your hands are marvelous Savannah."

I smiled and kissed his lips quickly. "Do your thing frat boy."

He smiled.

He's inside me again and this time he's even more rapid than a while ago. He keeps kissing my lips then the next seconds he's sucking my breasts while thrusting. He spreads my hands up above my head and he's entwining our fingers again. My toes are curling and my legs are feeling tight. His weight is on me and we're both sweating. His body holding me down the bed. I feel his length every time he pulls it back out and goes back in. I like it when he does that. I whimper but as I was about to moan, he kisses me.

"You're going to get us caught." He said on my mouth.

He pushes deeper on me. Deeper. Deeper. Harder. Faster. My hands now holding tight on his hand while he bites my lower lip before landing his lips on my neck. He's kissing me there and biting me too. He's gaining now. Catching up his pace. He's breathing fast and he's groaning softly.

"Ugh. Fuck." He says.

We don't move for a while. I know he came again. I feel him breathing heavily on my ear and our breaths were wickedly fast. Nick finally pulls himself out. I can't erase my exhausted smile on my face

and he lays down right next to me.

"Comments?" He asked.

I laugh. I shake my head. "I can't... I just... I don't know what to say. Wow. Pure wow."

He smiles then kisses my cheek and stands back up. He pulls out the condom and I stared at the ceiling. My thoughts are killing me again.

I really wonder how this thing in between me and Nick will end.

But honestly, I don't want it to end.

I don't want to do this with anyone else if it's not with Nick.

He picks up his boxer shorts then my shorts and my shirt while he placed it on top of my bed. I began to sit up and watch him bending over, oh god his ass is lovely. I smiled at my thought. He's picking up my underwear and my bra then hands it to me. Every time he looks at me, he smiles and I just can't help not to smile back.

He starts wearing his boxer shorts on him and I was dressing myself too. But I notice him watching me while doing so.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. You're just so hot when you do that. Let me look at you while you get dress." He bites his lip.

I continued dressing up myself and when I was done he starts putting back his clothes on himself. I watch him place the used two condoms over a paper and then crumpled it. I fixed my hair again and tied it into a bun while I face my back to him. All of a sudden he pulls me close to his body. He's hugging me. Shit Nick.

"We shouldn't tell anyone about this." He says to my ear.

"Why not?" I croaked.

"Cos it's our business. It's our sex life. This thing between you and me should be kept as a secret."

It feels the worst. First I can't fall in love with him, second his freaking rules and now we have to be a secret.

"We have to act like how we act the way we were before we had sex. You hear me Savannah?" He asks.

I just nod.

He kisses my temple briefly. "I'm going now." He said, taking the crumpled paper with him.

I watch him head to the door and finally closes it without looking back at me. He already got what he wanted. I already got what I wanted. We did what we willingly agreed to which was sex.

But why am I feeling like this?

I'm sad.

I'm sad that we have to be a secret.

I'm disappointed when he left that door and I don't know what to feel.

I thought I wanted this to be strictly physical between me and Nick. Strictly sex between me and Nick. But base on my heartbeat during the entire time that we did it and the last minutes when he was still around here, I don't think I can keep it simple with Nick at all. I don't think I can promise to keep my feelings not to get involved to this situation on the long run...

cos eventually it will.

My subconscious mind is also telling me a warning that I should pull back from this set up before things gets complicated and before I let my heart win over my mind.

I don't know why I think I need this kind of relationship but I know I do. I want to enjoy life now that I'm in college after being caged in high school. I know I'm going to enjoy with whatever this thing I have with Nick. I know Nick can give me that enjoyment I am looking for.

But why am I playing a game that I'm obviously destined to lose?

_________

SFTC:

Nude - Radiohead