Tore Up (Mississippi Smoke Series Book 1)

I have to get away. I don’t know from what, but my legs won’t move fast enough. My lungs burn as I push harder. Glancing back over my shoulder, all I see is the darkness, but it is there. Something is. I wish I knew what or who. A light ahead keeps me from giving up. I can make it there, and then whatever is chasing me will leave.

The light comes fast, and I shade my eyes as I slow my pace because of the brightness. Blinking as my eyes adjust, I see the body on the ground in front of me. The familiar eyes staring up, but not at me. They see nothing. The blankness that only comes with death rocks through me and I let out a bloodcurdling scream.

“Wake up!” a deep voice demanded.

Hands gripped my shoulders and shook me. I opened my eyes, and instantly, the horrific scene vanished. It was replaced by topaz eyes, outlined in thick black lashes. I inhaled sharply at the contrast of images. Fresh-cut oak, smoke, and a hint of spice hit me.

“Jesus Christ! Do you do this shit every fucking night?” his deep, gravelly voice asked.

Still slightly off-balance from the nightmare and being jerked out of it, I stared at him, trying to remember where I was. The slanted wall, single dresser, bedside table and the scowling expression on Bane Cash’s face.

“No,” I replied. My voice sounded scratchy from overuse, although I’d been asleep.

He removed his hands from my arms, and I shivered, pulling the covers up and not looking at him again. Bane straightened and walked over to stand by the window that overlooked the front yard. It was then I realized he was shirtless, and a pair of gray sweatpants hung on his hips. The tattoos on his back I couldn’t make out in the dark, but they covered a larger portion of it.

“You screamed his name. More than once,” he said, not turning to look at me.

I didn’t remember screaming any name in my dream. Just the running and then seeing … I tried to block that image out.

“I won’t go back to sleep,” I told him. “I’m sorry I woke you.”Exclusive © material by Nô(/v)elDrama.Org.

He didn’t move. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he seemed focused on something outside the window. “You woke the entire house,” he finally said.

It wasn’t like I could control my nightmares.

“I’m going to leave. Your uncle, or whatever Linc is, was very nice to want to help me, but I was never meant to be in Crosby’s life. I know that now. He had other plans. I can find a job and somewhere to live. I have plenty of time before the baby comes.”

His head swung around to look at me. Even in the darkness, I could see his glower. “You’re not leaving. I thought I’d made that clear.”

This man and his attitude were wearing on me.

“You don’t want me here. Crosby never planned on me being in this part of his life. I don’t belong here.”

He said nothing for several seconds, then walked over to where I’d discarded the extra pillow and sat down with his back against the wall, using the pillow for padding behind his head and back.

“Go to sleep,” he said gruffly.

“What are you doing?”

He closed his eyes. “What the fuck does it look like? You need sleep. You’re pregnant. And I don’t want to run up and down the motherfucking stairs all night.”

Was he serious?

I tightened my hold on the covers. “I can’t sleep with you sitting there against the wall.”

Without opening his eyes, he replied, “Why don’t you shut up and try?”

He was really going to sit there like that.

“You can’t sleep like that,” I pointed out.

This time, he opened his eyes and turned his head in my direction. “Neither of us can with you continuing to talk.”

I sat there as he adjusted the pillow and closed his eyes again. Lowering myself back onto the bed, I was sure I’d not sleep a wink, but arguing with his stubborn ass was pointless.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep again. When I opened my eyes, the sun was streaming brightly into the room, and Bane was no longer sitting on the floor. I felt some relief. Talking to him this morning wasn’t at all appealing. It was a miracle I’d actually slept with him in here.

There wasn’t a clock in the room, so I didn’t know what time it was. I wanted a shower and something to drink. My mouth was dry. Finding the kitchen again might be a task, but I thought I could figure it out. If I got lost, I’d eventually make my way back to the stairs or run into one of the many men who lived here and get directions.

Getting up, I made the bed, then took the things I needed before going to the bathroom.

I had a bit of a learning curve with adjusting the hot and cold water, then turning the showerhead on, but I managed with some trial and error. The water pressure was powerful, and I took longer than I normally did.

Once I towel-dried my hair and dressed, I made my way to the stairs. Yesterday had been emotionally draining, but then so had the day before. It seemed each morning brought another layer of heartache. I wondered if Carina and the boys were thinking about me and if Nick had found them. Was he even going to try? With my thoughts on my family who had left me behind, I managed to remember the path I’d taken with Than last night to the kitchen.

I wasn’t hungry, but I knew I had to eat something. Pausing, I looked around. It was clean. All the food that had been out last night was gone, and the countertops were shiny. I wondered which one of them had taken the time to put everything away.

The fridge was three times bigger than the one we’d had at our rental house. I hadn’t realized they made refrigerators this big. Perhaps they needed one this size because so many males lived here. I touched the dark screen on the front, and it lit up, causing me to jerk my hand away. What the heck was that? It had the date, time, weather, a video of the outside of the front door, a photo of a beautiful black horse, and a television screen. Holy crap. Why did someone need all that on their fridge? What happened to magnets? Too basic for them?

Shaking my head, I muttered, “Rich people,” under my breath and opened the other side panel that didn’t have a high-tech screen lighting it up.

This wasn’t what I’d expected. Just like the surprisingly clean kitchen, this was shocking. Ares had never even taken his dishes to the sink, and most of the time, he’d forget to put the milk back in the fridge.

There were no leftover boxes of takeout, beer, or gross, out-of-date things. I almost closed it, not sure what to do with all this. It reminded me of those intimidating grocery stores with the expensive organic food. Fresh berries in glass containers, a lot of freaking eggs, a bowl of red grapes, two metal baskets full of produce, an entire shelf of protein drinks, a drawer with fancy cheeses, a tall pitcher of orange juice, a gallon of milk, yogurts in small and expensive-looking containers, and a host of condiments. I reached for the milk and then looked at the three jars of homemade jams in the side door. Strawberry, blueberry, and peach. I took out the strawberry and closed the door very gently. God only knew what they’d paid for the dang thing.

I turned to study the area and figure out which cabinet out of the many they might keep the nonperishables in. After opening the obvious ones that were largest and having no luck, I wondered if the door that was in that small, odd, little room on the other side of the ovens—yes, plural—was where they put food.

The small room had a wine rack, a liquor cabinet, and what I thought was a food prepping area but no food. Shaking my head clueless as to why this space was needed, I turned to open the closed door on the other side of the wine rack. My mouth fell slightly open as the light came on automatically, and I stared into a room larger than the bathroom I was using. It was a food closet—no, a food room. A closet was too basic of a term for what this was. There were shelves, there were drawers, there were baskets that I thought were also drawers, and there were racks that spun around.

“Holy moly,” I breathed.

“Are you looking for something or just standing in here to gawk at the pantry?” Bane asked as he walked past me and went to one of the baskets, then plucked out a loaf of some kind of bakery bread. That had not come from a grocery store.

“This is a pantry?” I asked.

I’d heard of those before, but I’d never actually seen one. I thought a pantry was a closet with a door and just shelves. Not a room you could walk inside and sit for a spell.

He reached for something off another shelf, then looked at me. “What the fuck else would it be?”

“A corner market,” I muttered before I could stop myself.

“What?” he snapped.

“A corner market,” I said clearly this time.

He raised his eyebrows slightly and gave me an odd look before walking back toward the door once he found what he was looking for.

“Do you have cereal?” I asked before he left.

“Fifth shelf on the far right,” he replied.

I went over to the right side, and sure enough, on the fifth shelf were three different boxes of cereal. Two were shockingly healthy. One was Cocoa Puffs. I started to reach for the Cocoa Puffs but then stopped. That wasn’t the best choice for the baby, I realized. Scrunching my nose, I looked at the other two and decided that the one with the dried blueberries looked like the lesser of the two evils.

Once I was back in the kitchen, Bane was standing at the stove with a cup of coffee and cracking eggs into a bowl. He cooked for himself. He was just full of surprises.

I went to the cabinet I had found the bowls in earlier while I was looking for food and got one down. I just had to figure out where the spoons were now. I could ask, but he didn’t like to hear my voice, and he was busy.

I opened the first drawer to find potholders and closed it. The next one had hand towels. When I reached the third one, Bane stopped me.

“Here,” he said as he pulled out a drawer to his left.

Yeah, the one closest to him would have been the last drawer I’d tried. Heck, I might have just eaten the cereal with my hand before I had gone over there.

“Thanks,” I whispered and went to get a spoon.

The options in eating utensils were excessive. There were three sizes of forks and four different spoon sizes. Who needed all this? They were guys. I doubted they threw dinner parties.

“Is getting a spoon that complicated?” he asked.

I snatched out a regular-sized spoon and closed the drawer. It seemed to only require a push, and it slid slowly in on its own. Going over to my bowl, I filled it halfway with cereal, then added the milk before going to put it back in the fridge. I wanted to ask about the screen, but said nothing. It was as if I were living with Nick again. Not talking or doing anything to draw attention to myself.

“Morning,” Than said as he walked into the room. He was shirtless again and had on a pair of black-and-blue plaid pajama pants.

“Good morning,” I replied, only glancing at him before giving my cereal my complete attention.

“Lost your shirt?” Bane asked him.

“Don’t be jealous of the pecs,” he drawled and pulled out a mug from the cabinet.

He swung his gaze over to mine and grinned, then put his mug under the large contraption that I thought was a coffee machine, but it had a screen and three different spouts, so I’d stayed away from it.

“Who slept in the guest room?” Than asked.

“Locke,” was Bane’s response.

“Did Gathe do something to piss him off?”

I took a bite of my cereal as I watched them. It was difficult not to. As much as I disliked Bane, he wasn’t hard on the eyes. Seeing him stand over a stove and make what looked like an omelet with his thick arms flexing with each move was a show most females wouldn’t be able to ignore.

“Gathe is dealing with … well, you know,” Bane replied, his jaw tight.

“Hmm,” was all Than said as the machine spit out his choice of drink. He picked it up and walked over to take the stool on the other side of me. “Sleep okay?”

I cut my eyes to Bane, who was taking bread from a toaster.

“Uh, well, I had a nightmare,” I told him, wondering if my screaming had woken him up.

“He knows that,” Bane replied as he put the jam I had gotten out and not used because I didn’t want to ask Bane for any of the bread he’d taken from the pantry.

“I heard you,” Than said beside me in a gentle tone. “But I meant after that.”

“She snores,” Bane said, then placed the jam-covered toast on a plate beside me.

I didn’t know if I should thank him for the toast or argue that I did not snore.

“I assume that was why you got the jam out,” he told me, then turned back to the stove.

I looked down at my bowl. Carina had never told me I snored. My face felt hot.

“Did I mention he was an asshole?” Than whispered, although Bane could hear him.

He was more than that. He was also dangerous and frightening, and unfortunately, the dark, broody thing was sexy. At least on him. Not that it mattered because I wasn’t entertaining any thoughts about that man. Our dislike for each other was mutual. But it was just embarrassing, having someone who looked like him, with a life like this, make fun of me among his elite peers.

Bane slid his omelet onto a plate, then took his mug and walked out of the kitchen without a word.

Once he was gone, Than turned to me. “Listen, I’m sorry about last night. I said too much, and I know you weren’t ready to hear all that.”

I had needed to hear it. “No need to apologize. I was tired last night. A lot had happened.”

He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I ate while he drank his coffee in silence.

“Can I ask you how you met Crosby?” he asked me hesitantly.

Talking about it was not something I wanted to do, but it seemed Than needed it. He wanted to talk about Crosby. Last night, it had been obvious he wanted to remind everyone about Crosby’s wishes. This was his way of grieving. Holding on to his life. What he’d left behind.

“I, uh, was at work. I used to work for a food truck. We’d usually be at the rodeos and several events at the fairgrounds.”

“Urban Bistro,” Than said with a small smile.

I nodded. “Yeah. You know it?”

“Best burger in Jackson,” he replied.

“Agreed.” I licked my lips, then continued, “Anyway, I was selling burgers in the stands, and Crosby stepped in front of me.” I paused, remembering the way he’d looked at me. I’d had a flutter in my stomach, but then he was beautiful. He had probably caused flutters all over the rodeo. “His hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He had on a black T-shirt, and his jeans had dirt on them. He looked like he’d just been thrown from one of the horses. But he smiled at me and asked if my eyes were real or if he was hallucinating.” The corner of my lips twitched at the memory. “I thought it was a cheesy pickup line, but he had actually just been thrown from a bull. I wasn’t working over by the bull riding arena, so I had missed it.”

“That was the night he got on Red Flag like a dumbass because Gathe had told him he was too much of a pussy to ride that bull,” Than said. “He went to get a burger, and he didn’t come back for-fucking-ever. We thought he’d passed out from a concussion.”

I bit my bottom lip and looked down at my hands. “He stood over to the side of the stands, where I was selling burgers, and when I ran out, he fell into step beside me on my way back to the truck to get more. He introduced himself. Asked me my name. He was charming, and I wanted to be able to stand there and talk to him all night, but I had to work. He watched me while I sold the next set of burgers, and I was so nervous. My face stayed warm the entire time, and I ended up dropping two burgers, which I never did. I was going to have to pay for those, but he took the burgers and gave me way too much for them. Then, he asked for my number, and I said I didn’t have a phone. But then someone—”

“Called his name and he said his goodbyes and left,” Than finished for me.

I frowned. “Yes.”

“That was me. I only saw the back of your head. I knew he was talking to a girl, and Saylor was on her way behind me with Gathe. I was saving him from getting her all pissy.”

The reminder that I was the girl he’d cheated with wasn’t pleasant. Thinking about the night we’d met had almost made me forget for a moment how it had never been real.

“He came back then? To see you?” Than asked.

“Yeah,” I replied, not looking back up at him. “The very next night. He watched me for over an hour. Bought a burger and fries from me too. When I got off work, he met me on the way to the parking lot. I was going to wait on my brother to come get me.” I paused, wishing I hadn’t mentioned Ares. I swallowed hard as my stomach felt sick. “He offered me a ride. Convinced me he wasn’t a psycho. He took me to an open field, and we talked. He kissed me. Then, he gave me his number and asked if there was anyone’s phone I could use to call him. I took it and said I could borrow my sister’s phone.”

Than rested his elbows on the counter as he stared at the cup of coffee he had cupped between both hands. “Did he tell you he loved you?”

I hesitated.

“Yes.” My response was a whisper.

Than turned his head, his eyes not on the verge of tears, but there was a glassiness to them. “He never told Saylor that. It was an ongoing thing she’d bitch about. She’d tell him she loved him, and he’d say, ‘You too,’ or, ‘Same, babe,’ but that was it.”

I’d never told him I loved him back.

“I didn’t know about her. I promise,” I told him. I didn’t want them to all think I was the kind of person who would sleep with an engaged man or even just a taken one.

“I believe you. And not just because you almost passed out, then vomited when you found out about Saylor. But because I knew Crosby better than anyone. For him to love you, you had to be special. Different. Not like what he was used to. And he was faced with females daily who would have fu—” He stopped, then winced. “Uh, well, they wouldn’t have given a shit about Saylor.”

At least one of them believed me.

“Bane hates me.”

Than shook his head. “No, he doesn’t. He is a mess right now. Bane doesn’t do emotion, but losing his brother? That fucked him up. Brought out shit in him he hadn’t known he had. Give him time. He wouldn’t have moved you into the house if he hated you.”

I wasn’t so sure about that.

“I don’t think Linc gave him an option.” I frowned, scrunching my nose. “Who is Linc exactly?” It was something that I still couldn’t figure out, and Than was easiest to talk to. I felt moderately comfortable asking him things.

He pressed his lips together and looked straight ahead, as if I’d just asked a difficult question. “That is probably something I can’t answer,” he said. “But Bane or Linc will explain it soon. Now that they know for sure that the baby is Crosby’s.”

The mystery about this family and all their secrets were no longer just odd, but sliding right into unsettling. What was such a big deal about telling me who Linc was?

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Bane’s harsh voice startled me.

Than rolled his eyes as he moved off the stool. “Didn’t know my schedule was so important to you.”

Bane stalked past him and went to the sink with his empty plate.

I glanced from his back to Than, who took his cup and then gave me a smile before leaving the kitchen. Now, I was alone with Bane again.

Oh boy.

“My mom wants to meet you,” Bane said, turning around to look at me.

His brooding expression told me this wasn’t going to be pleasant. Not that anything in my life ever was.

“Okay,” I replied. “When?”

His gaze dropped to my body, then back to meet my gaze. “Now. She’s out of bed before noon for the first time in two months.”

“Do I need to change?” I asked since he’d seemed displeased by what I had on—or it was his displeasure with me in general.

“No, that’s fine,” he said. “Unless you have a bigger bra.”

I glanced down at my chest, then back at him. “This is the only one I have. What’s wrong with it?”

His eyes dropped again, and I crossed my arms over my chest, not liking the way he made me feel.

“It’s too small. Your tits are coming out of the top of it. I can see it through your shirt.”

I couldn’t believe he was talking about my boobs. My face was on fire.

Did he get off on humiliating me? Was that a thing for him?

“Let’s go,” he said and started for the door.

I followed him with as much enthusiasm as I would if I were walking to the gallows. I wished Than could take me or Linc maybe. I preferred to have as little interaction with Bane as possible.